I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park