They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.