you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
