I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
