just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
