i already hear my dad disowning me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
