It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already