I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person