when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?