I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."