I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.