He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.