It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.