Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.