You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.