DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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