Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them