you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.