Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic