Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.