its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...