His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day