After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.