Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.