I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Say something about gay babies.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..