I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.