And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom