Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.