Plan B is the new Plan A
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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