Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.