His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.