Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay