The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair