God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.