So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist