I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.