Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea