So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights