Texts From Last Night

Last Night in British Columbia (604)

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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  (604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60
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  just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.

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  (604): just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe. http://tfl.nu/ejrn
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  What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.

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  (604): What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners. http://tfl.nu/ayy8
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  found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long

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  wtf you measured my hair?

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  (604): found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long (1-604): wtf you measured my hair? http://tfl.nu/f3a1
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  I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

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  Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

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  Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

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  (604): I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous? (778): Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely. (604): Ohh that happened after I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/giil
  Replies (14) Good night (665) Bad night (4221)
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  I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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  (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was. http://tfl.nu/96eh
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  the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.

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  (604): the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick. http://tfl.nu/jjwi
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  her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to

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  (604): her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to http://tfl.nu/r2n2
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  Do you have a shampoo for semen

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  Or a time machine

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  (604): Do you have a shampoo for semen (604): Or a time machine http://tfl.nu/n3wr
  Replies (29) Good night (792) Bad night (3329)
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  she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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  (604): she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me. http://tfl.nu/s0lh
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  he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?

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  (604): he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him? http://tfl.nu/uzgr
  Replies (65) Good night (504) Bad night (6415)
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  a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?

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  unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.

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  (604): a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point? (604): unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going. http://tfl.nu/jiid
  Replies (15) Good night (582) Bad night (1844)
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  it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you

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  (604): it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you http://tfl.nu/0wg6
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  It must have been true love

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  I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other

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  (909): It must have been true love (604): I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other http://tfl.nu/pjnl
  Replies (20) Good night (2542) Bad night (964)
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  I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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  (604): I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone. http://tfl.nu/1vtw
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