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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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