I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance