We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.