Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky