Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man