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I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
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