I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
