He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party