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ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
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