i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.