strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can text with my tongue
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal