strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can text with my tongue
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal