So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.