When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?