two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.