Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
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she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I met the friendliest cop last night
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.