Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it