Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.