WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.