I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.