If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?