If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?