I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff