I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security