Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?