Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.