I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.