Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (312)

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her

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  (312): She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her http://tfl.nu/ua6n
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  i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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  (312): i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it http://tfl.nu/tzqh
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  It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free

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  (312): It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free http://tfl.nu/rz6v
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  Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.

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  ...well that sucks.

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  (312): Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck. (773): ...well that sucks. http://tfl.nu/p9wr
  Replies (37) Good night (474) Bad night (3920)
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  it's gonna be a chat room kind of night

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  (312): it's gonna be a chat room kind of night http://tfl.nu/owfm
  Replies (24) Good night (443) Bad night (3973) Order T-Shirt
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  I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me

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  (312): I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me http://tfl.nu/3z7z
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  so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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  (312): so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion? http://tfl.nu/og9d
  Replies (97) Good night (770) Bad night (7807) Order T-Shirt
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  susan atkins died, charles manson's lady

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  dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.

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  (708): susan atkins died, charles manson's lady (312): dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on. http://tfl.nu/8zd1
  Replies (11) Good night (597) Bad night (2257)
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  sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?

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  (312): sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions? http://tfl.nu/20lq
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  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (7730) Bad night (547)
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  if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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  (312): if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself http://tfl.nu/z0gj
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  Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.

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  (312): Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult. http://tfl.nu/eq22
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  Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up

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  (312): Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up http://tfl.nu/cco3
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  Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.

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  (312): Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/1om1
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  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

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  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

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  (310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck (312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/odqf
  Replies (72) Good night (1731) Bad night (8808)