Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.