Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My penis needs a shock collar
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.