Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
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My penis needs a shock collar
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!