Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.