btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.