whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.