He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.