you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.