hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.