i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.