Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.