I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?