Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dating After Heartbreak
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The beer is more important than you right now.