we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.