I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.