We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese