I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.